s.owens's blog

The peculiar British trait of “getting on with it” without moaning and making a fuss is one of our greatest strengths.

But it also leads to one of our greatest weaknesses says Catherine Powell, Customer Experience Director of the UK’s leading direct cremation provider Pure Cremation.

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The intensity of my experiences didn’t stop when Viv died as I found myself at odds with my brothers. We have always got on a family supporting each other in different ways, while recognising our differences.  I resented the ease with which they settled and chatted in Viv’s house which had been, so recently, an environment dominated by women supporting their friend; a space where a powerful transition from life to death had been enacted.  

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In her final weeks Viv and I had some tussles or occasions she had to be nudged to accept something that was difficult. 

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In my final email to Viv’s List – this time with the subject heading simply ‘Viv’ -  I let people know she had died peacefully and gave details of the funeral arrangements at the social gathering some days later to celebrate her life.  I added:

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"My sister Viv's end of life plan was centred on remaining at home, followed by a do-it-yourself  funeral. Many people worked together, supported by the district nurses, to make that possible."

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‘I believe supporting someone who is dying is the biggest gift we can give a loved one.’ These were the words of a district nurse acknowledging my role with my sister.

One in six families are facing debt and distress after arranging a funeral. Vital government help with basic funeral costs was capped at £700 in 2003, far less than the cost of the most basic funeral.