Share Your Story
Hearing about others' experiences can be helpful when dealing with death and bereavement. Do you have a personal experience that you'd feel comfortable sharing with the campaign? If so, let us know...
My father was diagnosed with lung cancer at the age of 64.
Myself, my sister and mother where inconsolable and lived with disbelief.
My father would not talk about anything, how he felt, what he thought, what arrangements for his death he wanted, not even his funeral. We tried everything as a family to try and find out what his wishes were, even down to asking the nurses would they have a private conversation with him in case it was a case of he didn’t want to upset us, this was to no avail - he would not open up to anyone.
My father died six months later and until two days before he died he was still going over to his local pub to have a pint, and still refused to talk.
Besides the upset of my father dying, we have never got over that feeling of emptiness, and wonder if we did the right thing by my father. At the time of the funeral, this caused tension between my sister and ourselves as we all had different opinions on whether he should have been buried or cremated, even what songs to play.
If dad would have talked this could have all been avoided and we would have felt we had done the right thing by him and could have dealt with things better and had a closure to an awful situation. Why he wouldn’t talk, we do not know: whether that was the way he dealt with it or some underlying fear we have no way of knowing. But if it has taught us as a family one thing it is you must talk about these DYING MATTERS!
The Dying Matters Coalition is led by the National Council for Palliative Care,
the umbrella charity for end of life care in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.
Freephone 08000 21 44 66