Share Your Story
Hearing about others' experiences can be helpful when dealing with death and bereavement. Do you have a personal experience that you'd feel comfortable sharing with the campaign? If so, let us know...
I lost my mum last year on the19th May at 8:05pm. It hurts like hell. I miss her so very much. She was amazing, caring, loving, strong, beautiful, generous, protective, warm, and always knew how to take my tears away and make me smile.
She had motor neurone disease and although it took her ability to walk away and caused her so much pain, she chose to stay with me and I cared for her every need. She always had a smile on her face: we laughed, we cried, we took the good with the bad. I know she was afraid of dying even though she never showed me because she did not want to see me upset or afraid. I know this, so, although I was very afraid, I did not show my mum. I just wanted to enjoy what time we had left.
Motor Neurone Disease killed my mum within five months. She was given 3 years initially so it was a shock when the hospital phoned to tell me the worst words I've ever heard: "I'm so sorry but your mum has just passed away." I had seen her that very day at 3:15pm. She was there for a chest infection. Looking back, I think we both knew she wouldnt be coming home: the way she held me, told me she loved me, looked at me, said goodbye... She did say "I'm coming to yours tomorrow," and at the time the thought that she wasn't never entered my head; why would it - she was ill, yes, but still sitting-up and smiling.
Anyway, the call came that she had gone and with her a piece of my heart that will never come back. I had to tell my kids they had lost their Nana. The youngest two were upset but didn't really understand; my eldest was so close to his Nana, it broke my heart to see the pain in his nine-year-old face. I felt his pain and he felt mine but even though he was grieving he is always there, asking if I'm OK, giving me hugs, telling me Nana is with us. I'm so proud of him - Nana's little golden boy; mum would be proud too.
So, the anniversary of mum's death is approaching and I want to mark it by celebrating the life of my wonderful mum and the kids' amazing Nana. It's still very raw and I grieve every day but mum was such a bubbly, happy woman I'd appreciate if anyone could give me some ideas of how to respectfully celebrate her life instead of mourning her death.
Thank you, Rach .
Can you help Rach?
Do you have advice for Rach on how to mark her mum's death? Please share it on our forum: http://dyingmatters.org/forum/can-you-help-rach
The Dying Matters Coalition is led by the National Council for Palliative Care,
the umbrella charity for end of life care in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.
Freephone 08000 21 44 66