Mum's dying is leaving us drained. Please help

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sarah
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Last seen: 6 months 3 days ago
Joined: 15/04/2011 - 6:34pm
Mum's dying is leaving us drained. Please help

My mum has been very ill since last October: three blood transfusions; an horrendous leg ulcer; a grade four pressure; sore; double incontinence and bed ridden. She has been in nursing home for two weeks. We have cleared her house, but every time we visit she continually talks about her funeral. We both find it very difficult, my brother and I. Come home drained and depressed with it all. Any ideas?

forget-me-not
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Last seen: 6 years 2 months ago
Joined: 08/08/2011 - 10:24am
Empathy with the dying

I am sorry you are feeling so drained. Have you seen anybody who can help you cope? Are you eating properly and getting adequate rest?

It is good that your mother is expressing her concerns and plans for her death. Right now, her thoughts are of that which is most important to her.

Your support is important to her. You have the opportunity to get closer to your mother than you have ever before in your lives. Maybe also there are things that could be done some of the time to take your mother's mind off thoughts of dying. Your reassurance that everything will be fine and that you will always be there for her will be a great solace to her.

Take time for yourselves also to do what is important to you.

My mother would have liked to talk to her family about her death years before she died. I wish now that we had spoken to her to find out what she really wanted at the end of her life. It was too late when she was delirious in hospital and could not express herself to find out what she really wanted in her last days.

I wish that I had not denied to myself that my mother would one day pass away. I did not get close enough to her to make her last days the best they could be. It is only now that she is gone that I accept that death is a fact of life.

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